Blessed, fortunate of anything else for that matter. Based on society standards especially in the black community people would classify me as “lucky”. I don’t think so. What am I talking about you ask? Well let me tell you. I’ve recently gotten married to my sons father; A week and some change before I had him. He loves me and his son unconditionally. We’ve been through a lot together and recently I’ve voiced my pain in a past blog.
Lately Black women have claimed that I’m lucky to find someone smart and decent to settle down with. I find that offensive actually. I don’t find myself lucky. The love I have takes WORK and a lot of it. It took trials and tribulations to get through what me and my husband has been through. A life like this don’t just fall in someone’s lap. It takes commitment and willingness to make it work. Learning how to compromise is still something I have to work on but I’m in a healthy marriage and couldn’t be happier.
If many these black women of today would just lower their standards a bit they’ll find someone. Let go of all the drama in your life and just be yourself. I’ve been hurt in a lot of ways in the past. Not once did I ever say “niggas ain’t shit”, not once. Sometimes it was me who wasn’t shit. I had to take a step back and look at myself in the mirror. I’m still working on my vices but as days go by I’m getting better.
Pointing the finger at the opposite sex isn’t helping you or anyone else. Categorizing all the men because you’ve had a few bad apples is absurd and it’s plaguing the black community. It’s so much envy in today’s black women that it’s hard to believe that things will change. A woman I had the displeasure of running across on Facebook, had the nerve to tell me that I tied my husband down by getting pregnant and having the baby so he had no choice to marry me. Not knowing the story and disrespecting me she made herself look like the average bitter black woman. A lot of women do that but I’m not one of them. I never in a million years thought I would have a child and get married. I don’t spend most of my life trying to force a man to stay with me by allowing him to plant his seed in me because I’m scared I’ll be alone and bitter for the rest of my life. People don’t realize how much energy that takes; hell I’m not really sure either.
Instead of worrying about what a man is wearing, riding in, working with, and the amount of money in his pockets, look past all that materialistic b.s. I know it’s hard for most women to do that but if you really want to find someone to be married to, you have to lower your standards. I’m not saying settle for just about anyone but don’t expect a fairytale-like man to walk into your life and sweep you off your feet. Let go of your fears of being alone, that’s how you make dumb decisions and end up with the wrong person.
Love isn’t easy, it takes work. It’s not luck, fate or coincidence, but work.
Linda W.
August 4, 2011
I don’t think it’s a lowering of standards, but rather having reasonable standards, once not based in materialistic things. It’s hard to find any good man, or for that matter, any good woman. People these days have their priorities all screwed up. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and none of us should judge another person’s life. We all live and learn and grow in our own ways. I’m not an atheist, but after reading some of those so called “christian” comments, I can certainly understand why someone would want to be an atheist. For some reason human beings like to hurt each other, and that’s sad. But we can rise above that and recognize others who have also risen above that and create a group of friends that we can enjoy life with. And you’re so correct about marriage, it is hard work, well worth the effort, but hard work nonetheless. But like in life, you don’t appreciate something unless you do work hard for it. Just being handed something for nothing, a person tends to take it for granted. I’m not black, but this seems not to be racial. Anything worth having is worth fighting for! So I commend you in your life and am happy for the obviously great decisions you have made, and congrats to you and your family….