Respect Your Mom, Even If She Chose Drugs and Alcohol Over You?!

I know you’re supposed to have love for your mother all because she gave birth to you. In my opinion, giving birth does not make her a mother, neither does waiting til 3 of her kids are grown or soon to be grown to try to make things right.

My wonderful “mother” decided that she found nursing drugs and alcohol was more important that having 5 healthy kids. She decided that she would wait til she got drunk to say how she really felt about her kids, especially me. She don’t even have to be drunk though to tell me she hate me. Me and my mother were never close, I don’t really know her, well that’s not really saying a lot because she don’t even know the man wait REMEMBER the man she laid with to have me. How are you that strung out on drugs that you make the mistake 5 damn times and 3 of the times it was obvious that it didn’t mean squat to you cause you couldn’t even remember who the fathers were? No telling.

She tells us she don’t know the fathers but I’m not stupid, maybe she don’t want us to the know the fathers so that we can contact them and talk to them so they can tell us how much of a whore she was. That would be pointless because I knew at the age of 13 that she had sex to pay for her dirty little habit, that wasn’t something hard to figure out. Been to jail over 20 times, been to rehab over 100 times, got that first check back from the money she didn’t use for college and she drops out of college, goes and buy a VCR, drugs and alcohol just because college was so much harder than being a smart woman. My mother is far from dumb, she’s pretty bright but she let all that go to waste because she wanted that first high again. I know a lot of people have tried to tell her she will never get that first high again but I guess she don’t care and she have 5 reasons why she don’t.

My point is, why respect this woman that we [my siblings and I] were made to call “mom“? Because it’s the right thing to do? No, the right thing to do was for her to man up and be a mother. She has a conscience in there some where that’s why she kept going back to rehab, hoping people would see the change when she got out just so she can secretly drink like people can’t see her eyes going east and west when she’s trying to hide it. How can this woman ask us, her children to respect her when she don’t respect herself? How can she go to rehab that many times but come out the same way she went in or maybe worse? How can someone who wants respect stand there and say such hateful things and do cruel things to their kids? I’m sorry but this woman I call mom gets my pity but not my respect. I’m not nasty to her, I’m polite, calm, I keep my sanity but I don’t and cannot respect her.

She looked at her own mother one day last year and told her that she isn’t ready yet for the responsibility and that she should ship the “bad seeds” off to boot camp. See my grandmother is my mother, even though she’s a evil ass woman who likes getting her family members jumped and that she’s no better than my real mother, at least she taught me some valuable lessons. She also kept food on the table, a roof over my head, and clothes on my back but guess what? I don’t respect her either. Want to know why? Of course you do. It’s because she lied to me for as long as I could remember, she did conniving things to me when I got up in my teens and got a mind of my own. She put her family in jeopardy half of the time. See my oldest brother, he’s 29 and he lives in my grandmothers basement, he’s an habitual liar and his lies has gotten me jumped, robbed and almost killed many times. He invites these fools into my grandmothers house, but when I speak up on it, she tell me to shut up because he is the one that keeps the house from being foreclosed. How the hell can he do that working at McDonald’s and have 8 kids by 8 different women whores? How can you allow someone like that who has hurt me cause he was frustrated stay there and jeopardize your health and put those “bad seeds” in harm’s way? Anyway, enough of that old fool…back to what I call a walking death wish.

I cannot and will not respect a woman or anyone who don’t have respect for themselves. I don’t care if you have 18 children, but if you allow them to be in the cold while you’re under nice warm blankets, you’re not a mother. If you fall asleep and lay a lit cigarette on a child’s leg and cannot hear your child screaming in agony, you are not a mother. If you go downstairs to the bar and leave your child upstairs for 3 days and some man comes and get you from hell just to put you back in hell, you are not a mother. If you push your child that’s strapped in a stroller down a flight of stairs because you are frustrated, you are not a mother. You are a coward. Yes those things has happened to me but you know what? I’m not holding those things against her, I have forgiven her for the things she has done. Am I a Christian? No, I’m an Atheist. An asshole would expect that I would have to be a Christian to actually forgive such bad things that has happened to me. It’s not that though, I just cannot hold grudges against people like that, holding them does more harm to me than to them. Holding grudges is like asking for depression, you’re not going to get nothing out of holding a grudge. I guess you can’t really get nothing out of not having no type of respect for a woman who expects you to call her a mother either. It’s the principal of it all really. I just wish people would stop expecting me or asking me to respect Debra, cause it won’t happen ever.

So, people out there who hate their mother because she wouldn’t let you go to that party where she know there is going to be alcohol, sex, drugs…be glad you had someone who cared enough for your well-being. People out there who actually have a mother who gave you “the talk“, be glad you had to hear it from her and not some nurse in middle school. People out there who has fallen off their bike as a child and went crying to their mother to kiss it and make it feel better, be glad you had someone to do that, I was laughed at for being a punk when I was growing up. People out there who have a mother who actually remembers your birthday, be glad you got that and not some empty 40 oz bottle and belch in your face. I didn’t have the luxuries with my grandmother or my mother. I had to learn things by example and on my own for 21 years and I’m not expecting, hell don’t want my mother to try to give me the bird and the bees talk now. I’m also putting out there that I know people have had it worse than me, but I cannot worry or care about that, so telling me that I should be lucky it wasn’t worse is pointless. Can’t say that if you haven’t lived or know about my life in every single detail.