Ced, he’s my boyfriend of 4 going on 5 years. I love this man to death. There are days where I want to just bear hug his small short ass and there’s other days where I want to slap the arrogant words out of his mouth. Standing at 5′5″ while I’m 5′9″, you would think I would just smack him around and make him my bitch. Lol, just joking. We are different in so many ways but alike at the same time. This relationship has always been rocky but it has kept me around because I seriously think I’m the only one that can put up with his bullshit these days. See I’m bi-polar and it doesn’t help that sometimes the things he says triggers my short temper. I have high blood pressure amongst a lot of other things; Ced seems to cope with it very well. He doesn’t have a problem though telling me things that I can’t do. I never believed in the word “can’t” So it kind of hurts that he does.
Sometimes, it feels he doesn’t even know me. I don’t really know him like I truly want to. We barely talk like normal human beings. Its hard to explain but we don’t talk about things that normal relationships talk about. We have an understanding though, its an understanding no one else but us would understand but its very well understood.
We sleep in different rooms; why? Because he likes to be up late on the computer and the clicking and laughing he does drives me nuts so I sleep on the couch. I don’t think it bothers him much, he don’t have to share a bed with me. I don’t snore or anything, its just that I like to go to sleep immediately, like as soon as I get tired. Sleep for me is hard to come by. I have Chronic Insomnia so I want every wink when I lay my head down. For a minute I think it was bothering him that I wasn’t sleeping in the same bed with him any more. For a minute I really didn’t care, I kind of still don’t. Actually I really don’t. I need my sleep dammit.
I’ve left this guy and came back to him over 6 times. He’s “trying to change” I guess but he still find ways to hurt me without thinking he’s hurting me. See if he sat down and talked or at least listened to me then maybe he wouldn’t have to get cursed out when I snap at him. See he says he don’t know how to be in a relationship. So Why should I leave him because of that? If I leave him and he starts a relationship with someone else they not gone have the patience I have or understand him. That’s not obligating me to stay, I’m staying with him because I love him. He has flaws and I have flaws. I have to work this out wit him cause he’s all I have. I don’t have a family, I just him. Really that’s all I really need, I don’t need the privilege of having a bunch of friends, all that is gone do for me is a bunch of trouble.
Sometimes I have to ask myself, “why do he love me, why does he put up with me?” I have yet to find an answer. I haven’t heard the words “I love you” in a while. I haven’t said it lately either. When we first met I do believe we were in love and we just told each other that every chance we got. Now that we’re living together its like it isn’t an option to say it or not. We already know.
I have bent over backwards for Ced. They say love make you do crazy things. Well I haven’t done anything crazy yet. Probably cause I’ve always been crazy so I’ve probably done crazy shit but its a normalcy to me. I’m not your average person. I’m a rare find to a lot of men these days. I have logic, brains, talents, looks. Its a shame that Ced don’t realize what he have until its half way out the damn door.
Ced, is some what a pig. He’s gotten lazy and I’m going to break him of that. He’s talking about bringing children into this world. Well I cannot have my children thinking its okay to live in filth or don’t take the responsibility in cleaning after themselves. That’s a hell no in my book. I refuse to let my kids see that shit. See he’s 27 and I’m 21 and he acts younger than I do at times. He’s witty and very smart. The things he say will probably have you in tears cause he’s so hilarious at times. He do though know how to push my buttons, he’s not really passionate or affectionate and that bugs me too. Only time he’s like that is during sex, or if we’re watching a movie. Other times he’s poking me and just doing shit you would do to your little brother if you had one. I feel like a sibling to him at times. Is it because I play video games? Nah, I hope not.
Basically, there are things I would like to see change concerning him but mostly I love him the way he is. Just like he love me and my over 200 scars and other flaws that come with me the way I am. I would go to hell and back for him as many times as I he wanted me too, I would die for him cause without him I wouldn’t have shit else to live for.
Related articles by Zemanta
Gurl …have u sent him dis n da otha blogs?…if u hav is it doing anythin? If not, leave him, damn da yrs yall been togetha if its only goin to havin u wantin 2 leave him n e way.
Ugh ma why u sleepin on the couch? Tell dat nig to get off the comp so you can get yo sleep. Dont feel bad or a party pooper jus so he can stay up and chat wit bitches. Cuz i kno dats wat hes doin. He needs 2 straighten up before someone come and swoop u up. real talk. stay beautiful bay.
Damn you stay strong ma.
Yea girl like o’ dude said you are rare as hell. You need to stay that way, don’t try and change that nigga. If he needs to change then you don’t need to be with him. You’re 1 in a billion baby remember that. O fine ass.
Man girl I would love to have someone like you in my life. He’s one lucky bastid to even have you. The fact you are staying around hurts my heart though man, let me be that guy you would die for cause this Kat not gone care. You should open more options to yourself, don’t stick to this one Kat, you’re too young for that sweetie pie, find another nigga for the side. You guys aren’t married you shouldn’t have to stick to one guy like that. Men like him is the reason girls like you turn so cold-hearted. I love your style and your intelligence. Do he even tell you why he loves you or do you know if even still love you? If you answer no then its time to let go. I saw your myspace, you’re a sexy momma. You need someone who is going to remind you of that everyday. You are a rare find.
That is so sweet Lee! He needs a reality check though, its fucked up you have to spill your heart out to these blogs and you cannot tell him these things to his face cause I know he’ll say he don’t do it. Don’t waste your time on Ced Lee, find someone who is going to kiss and hold you not poke and push you.
Aye ma’ this is a good blog. He shud be lucky to have someone like u in his life. Doez he even sho how grateful he iz? If he dont den yew r betta off wit out him. Y R too good 4 him ma’.
I need to edit this blog. I see some errors.