Asilee.com

I have things I’m grateful for but its not much, out of all the 21 years I’ve been on this Earth 2008 is by far the worst and the year isn’t over yet.

January 2008 – My mom decides to move in because my grandmother needed her. Down the line she realizes that it was big ass mistake. All she did was get drunk, argue and be waited on hand and foot. She bashed me and the person I was with [he was living with me at the time]. & threatens that he’s kicked out cause she thought he hit me but she was too drunk to realize that wasn’t on the third floor [where I used to stay] it was right next door to her room on the second floor, my sister and brother was wrestling in my brothers room but she just wanted an excuse to say something to someone that shouldn’t of even been on her mind. Its a shame this woman has been jealous of me since the age of 18.  I can understand why though, we are complete strangers to each other.

February 2008 – My ex decides to play that bitch card and just up and leave me with no explanation and get on Myspace to ask him why he just pack his shit up and leave. He tells me this crock of a story then a few weeks later I got tired of him beating around the bush and made him tell me, come to find out he left me for someone else. He then calls me up in March…

March 2008 – Ex boyfriend calls me up in March saying I need to go get checked out and make sure I’m not the one with Chlamydia and not his new girlfriend. I laughed and laughed in his face and told him, “I got checked every damn week we were together, I don’t know what you do on your spare time but if you don’t thats not my problem” [we used protection]. So I tell him “call my doctor” and I sent him a copy of all my tests. Finds out the girl that he said didn’t have it, was the one that had it, she got it from the ex boyfriend that she left for for my ex. So he calls me up and tell me that he’s sorry. I just told the dumb fuck that the broad had it and was waiting for someone to come along and cry she got if from him but did he listen? No, he too busy using the head on his dick and not the one on his shoulders. Too bad he was too stupid to realize that we used protection every time but even still shit happens.

April 2008 – Come to find out I was pregnant and then at that time I was so stressed and so sad about how this dude hurt me and leave me for someone else after 9 months of being together I didn’t realize it or even cared, I stopped eating, I stopped talking. [I will never do shit like that again]. Come to find out them cheap ass Lifestyle condoms are useless, [he finally got around to telling me at one point the condom broke]. I tell the ex that I lost the child that I didn’t even know I was carrying I only found out after I got to the hospital after I saw all that blood coming down my leg. See I have high blood pressure amongst other things and I don’t even remember the beginning or the end of that situation I completely blanked out out of carelessness I could of cared less if I died in the next second or two. Anyway I tell the ex and all he could say was “oh“. Then I confronted him about that and all he could say was “I know how to control my feelings” listen bitch you had a child that didn’t make it and all you can say is “oh“? Well its good I didn’t use my gun that day when I totally lost mind and was going blow your brains out now isn’t it?

May 2008 – By this time I’m damn there over that fiasco that was 2 months ago. [I get over shit a lot quickly and shockingly half the time I don't even know why I was feeling like that.] All I know is that I moved on and met this guy at a bus stop and 4:00 in the A.M. I had just left this other guy I was talking too house and I was having an episode [I'm bi-polar but I don't take nothing for it, I take enough meds as it is]. Anyway, I met him and we sitting out there in the cold for the next two or three hours cause the buses didn’t start running yet so we sitting there and this other guy was in there and we just all talking and stuff and we [me and Adam] found out we have things in common well we get more acquainted throughout the Month and it was all swell until I had my doctors appointment and it wasn’t good [I'm not going into detail] being who I am I had to ruthlessly break away from this guy and just dismiss him cause my health is something I don’t like people witnessing it can be really bad at times and I don’t like people making me feel helpless and then they’ll get to worrying and then I get pissed cause they wont fucking listen to me. So I broke it off with him but not before! not before I find out my Uncle has Cancer and he would be moving in with us [my family] that soon. Before all of that though, my brother of 300lbs, used to be a wrestler and football player in high school gets frustrated and slams me, no he charges me over a recliner I hit my head on a wooden table then he holds me down and my neck in a awful position, [he never told me he was sorry either.] and that just added onto my health issues, its like he didn’t care or realized I was and still is sick.

June 2008 – More bad news of course my doctors keep saying that  I’m going to be paralyzed [I was in 7 car accidents, no I don't drive and no they weren't all in the same year and only 3 were crucial] soon and my Vitamin D Deficiency isn’t improving and that I may be diagnosed for Cancer [for them umpteenth time], so I’m depressed about that and the fact I’m still on SSI and all of that other crap and I get a letter in a mail saying I need a hearing to prove I’m disabled, just more bullshit I needed.

July 2008 – My uncle finally gets here and he’s fine and he goes around barking orders and getting mad at me for not finding him and asking him do he want anything from Burger King, he was doing this the whole time. I always asked where he was at when I came down the steps. My grandmother would always say he was sleep [the doors are usually closed, he had the whole dining room which I painted and he wasn't even appreciative of that so I didn't bother him]. He then stops talking to me all together and I’m supposed to be his “favorite” yea okay whatever dude. You may have Cancer but that doesn’t mean your respect for others do too [yea that was wrong but he treated me like shit the whole time he was there].

August 2008 – That punk ass ex of mine had the audacity to call me up on his Birthday and ask ME did I want to come see him. He don’t realize I was still pissed about how before he finally told me the truth about the reason why he left me how he asked me to go see a movie with him and I end up paying, I should of said no and paid for my own ticket, I was too dumb too see that he was using me. This whole time he was saying all of this it was going through one ear and out the other I could of cared less about him or his Birthday, so I just wished him a Happy Birthday and hung up. Thats not even the bad news the government didn’t find me disabled so I had to reschedule a hearing to get back on SSI cause I am not eligible to work. What you thought THAT was the bad news? No thats not it, the bad news is I fell down a flight of steps at a mall cause my legs gave way from under me like they always do and I bruised my back up really bad so now that my pain is around 24/7 365 its level of pain has gone from 10 to 20 and 10 is as low as it gets now. So now I’m tired, hurt, bruised, and depressed about so much shit. [I'm not even really getting into detail about everything].

September 2008 – So my birthday comes around and I get a used sewing machine for a present and I get my money taken out my birthday card for brownies as a bonus. So I’m 21 and my family, the family that hates my damn guts was expecting me to be there on my birthday when my Aunt got there [well at the time I was at my boyfriends house and I was stranded so I called up CJ and he came and picked me up]. So I get to that hell for home and I get cursed out for not being there, I mean I’m 20 damn 1 yrs old I stopped caring about birthdays at the fresh age of 10 and they are getting mad about a day as if it was the pope coming to visit. Then on top of that my Uncle heard everyone say “happy birthday Ling” [thats my nickname since I was 10 months old. I'm no where near Chinese. What possessed that demon grandmother of mine to nickname me that I have no damn clue.] and he didn’t even open his mouth, that hurt the worse. He could sit on the porch smoke cigars and play cards with his friends but he couldn’t stop and say “Happy birthday?” Yea okay.

October 2008 – Things get worse from there, my family really starts hating me more than ever [they hated me a lot before then]. So I go and stay with the boyfriend for awhile and I had it up to here with him and his bull but so I just go back to the house and stay there for awhile, the whole damn time I’m there I’m listening to my family [who think they're whispering] is talking down on me every chance they get and I hear it all. It got so crazy to the point I wanted to choke the life out of myself and just end it cause that shit wasn’t fair at all. Later on that month I get the scare of my damn life, the apartment my boyfriend was at was shot up and he was around the guys who got into it with them at a bar but he was just down there, they fought and the guys came back with more people and guns. It was all over the news and I didn’t hear from him and I just sat and prayed and it was driving me nuts so I tried to sleep it off and right when was  I was about to go to sleep he calls and he’s okay but a few of his friends had been shot. If one of his friends wasn’t standing in front of him, he could of been the one shot dead on. I never been so scared in my life. The worse case scenario that I was just thinking about that whole Month almost came a reality. I just thank God it didn’t. Well when the news came on about the shootings before I knew my boyfriend was okay, I start crying and run downstairs and just realized there isn’t anyone in this house thats going to care. The first thing my grandmother said was “don’t come down here with all that crying“. Now if I confront her today about that shit she’ll swear she didn’t say it. They also took my cat around some strange neighborhood and left her there cause they said “she wouldn’t stop crying“. I didn’t find this out until I realized I didn’t see her any where. They could of called The Animal Protective League. I should report them doing that, thats illegal like a mug. I miss my cat. They did her so dirty.

November 2008 – I’m still at the hell of a home and I finally get the heads up that I was supposed to have been left out of the house well the cops showed up at my attic door and told me that my grandmother has been asking me to leave but refused to so  I ask that bitch “Where the fuck was my memo at, up your ass?” and I tell the cops everything and for some reason the main person talking all of the shit [my stranger mom] vouched for me so they allowed me to get some things and drove me downtown to my boyfriends apartment. I go back to the house 2 weeks later and all of my shit has been moved to the first floor and the locks on my door has been changed as if I wasn’t allowed up there any more like I still haven’t figured out the reason why they were changed when all she had to do was ask for the key back. Listen, fuck that bitch and her motives all they been doing to me was getting me jumped and miserable so fuck em. I sacrifice my job that I had and my own place to come back and help them out after all they’ve done? I mean all you have is family well then I mind as well have enemies.

December 2008 – I can’t really say much being that its still December but its just as bad as the previous Months. I haven’t spoken to my family yet, not for 4-5 weeks now and I need to go visit the house Monday to see where my shit traveled to again and see how everything is going. I could care less how everything is going with my grandmother though. If I can even call her that.

Stumble It!

I’m not gone sit here and act like I care about people who don’t care about me. You can’t expect me to think like y’all or be like y’all or actually love these people who have hurt me for 21 years of my life. They can all rot in hell while they enjoy a piece of fail cake and those who objects well you can go sit right on down I got a slice of fail cake waiting for you too.

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