You know, I don’t expect anyone breathing to get me Adam. I’m not someone to get. I’m not some puzzle or some new disease that someone just found out and they can’t understand or put together. So don’t try to get me. & As far as wanting someone to love me, that’s old news. Especially if you’ve read them old ass blogs, which I notice you only replied to the one that was irrelevant to this message you’ve sent me, you’re way off brother.

—

Let me straighten one thing out with the situation of you asking me to go out. Two times you’ve asked me to go out and I’m not counting the times you invited me to your church. The movies, remember that Adam? I see you don’t. Two times you asked me and suggested that we go see a movie. Two times you called and told me you couldn’t do it cause you had things to do. Two times you called and told me we would have to do it another time. So to sit here and throw that bullshit at me was pathetic. Your attempt to finally “confront” me is failing miserably. Anyway…

—

I don’t like taking or receiving gifts most of the time. That’s just how I am. You get offended of it, that’s not my problem Adam. As a person you are suppose to respect that, you’re suppose to realize maybe I was raised different. Being that you’re a Church-goer I thought you would understand that, but its pretty obvious that you don’t. No one over this way never said that you’ve asked me or took a lot from me. You’re acting as if I stabbed you in your eyes and you can no longer see that you’ve hurt yourself and caused these dilemma’s in your life.

—

I don’t care about you thinking of what you thought I was. Things like that you supposed to know. Well; maybe I know how to read people better than you, but I knew who you were just listening to you in that bus stop that morning. I have a gift a lot of people don’t have. I can understand where you’re coming from better then the person explaining it can. I can put myself in people’s shoes and know exactly how they’re feeling majority of the time. Unlike you; yea, I know what you’re going through. I don’t care though. Want to know why? Of course you do. Its cause, you made up these assumptions about me, you assumed right away that I was this person you thought you knew. You hurt yourself, I had no part in it. I’ll get to why I haven’t answered your calls in a second; be patient. I know you’re probably sitting there reading this and the pain and feelings that I put there in your heart is coming back. But guess what? I don’t care about that either cause you helped put it there.

—

Okay, this not calling me for a week bullshit. First of all, if you’re mad at me; why wouldn’t you call me and tell me right then instead of waiting a whole month to come out with it? People put themselves in the past so much they don’t realize that they’re constantly hurting themselves in the process. Not calling me does nothing to me being that no one ever calls me. It also doesn’t assume when someone doesn’t call me that they’re mad at me. Where ever you got that idea that not calling someone is showing you’re mad from, you need to chalk it. If anything, I just thought you were busy. Oh, I’ll get around to where I was and what I was doing, How I was and all that detailed shit in a minute. Calm down, you don’t have nothing else to do but to read this. What you rushing for me to get to the point for? Anyway…

—

Being frank is what I’m doing now. Being hurt is what you are right now. Again, you hurt yourself. (Notice how I put all my responses to your bull in pieces? That’s so you don’t get lost in shit YOU’VE said. Don’t lose me). Anyway, you can kill all that noise; I mentioned all that shit above. No need to keep repeating myself. I will say this though; how does it feel to hurt yourself unintentionally? Can you actually sit there and say that all this pain you put yourself in; is all your doing? No cause you’re too busy pointing the finger, but you didn’t realize I held a mirror up right in front of you. Did you? No, you didn’t. Your mind and heart is in two different places. Your mind is wondering and your heart is hurting. Well you’ve had almost a month to get over it. Still hurt?

—

Yea, I’m being blunt and some-what arrogant, but I have to do this to people who think they have me all summed up when its more to me than meets the eye. Not once have I lied to you though. If I bought it, its mine. Now I’m not even gone go further into that. I shouldn’t have to break-down everything to you, do I?

—

Man, reading your jumbled sentences is hard but I can manage. Lets see where do I start with the next subject? Okay Okay, I got a question do you fall in love easily? How you love me in that short of time? Or are you just saying that cause you don’t have no other way to describe/express your feelings? If that’s how you express yourself, you need to reevaluate yourself. Seriously, I would get into why I think you don’t/didn’t love me but that’s unnecessary, no need to add more fuel to the fire that you’ve started. Anyway, Me being trustworthy? Untrustworthy? Went? Weren’t? Well, WHAT EVER you were trying to say it went through one side of my mind and out the other.

—

Its funny how you say that I broke up with you cause I didn’t answer your calls. Reading this shows me how much you’ve hurt yourself with your own assumptions. I’m laughing at you cause you’re so blind. Why you constantly feel that you should point the finger when you let so much time go by before you actually said something? I’m asking questions but I don’t expect you to answer any of them so don’t try; it’ll just be more bad English I can’t understand. Why waste time on things like that when its already irrelevant to me, right? Right.

—

You know its time to tell you where I was, how I’ve been, what I was doing, why and all that other detailed shit that you’re so anticipated to know about. See, I got really ill within the time that I last saw you and now. (If you knew me or took into consideration about the information you already knew about me. You would of had better assumptions to come up with instead of saying all this bullshit that you yourself don’t even believe.) I got sick and my grandmother had my phone, I told her don’t answer it just let it ring and people can leave a message. (You know when I got the phone back. It was 50 messages. Not one from you and most of them were from my best-friend and my boyfriend. But then he wasn’t my boyfriend then.) You so called “loved” me but you so called called me numerous times and you couldn’t leave a message? No no, don’t message me back saying that you did. I don’t want to read it. (See how I dismissed that? Yea, I do that a lot, cause unlike you when I assume; I assume shit MOST typical humans do). Yea well I left Ohio for awhile to get away from things. My Uncle friend took me to Arizona, (its very pretty and quiet there by the way.) I didn’t have a care in the world, and not once did I think of anyone back here in Ohio. That was the main reason for leaving, was to get my head away from here and it worked. I was in a wheelchair most of the time cause I couldn’t walk without falling. For a minute I didn’t even know who the hell I was and thought it was January. When my memory came back though, I cried cause I wish it hadn’t. (I haven’t cried in yrs.) So, basically I got ill and didn’t want to be bothered. Got back here and my ex was in my room and I was surrounded by roses, stuffed animals, gifts all from him. That was the day I took him back. (Forgot all about you til you messaged me just now. Damn did I just say that?) Well back to the subject at hand, you assumed I hurt you. I could of been dead. But no no you rather make yourself the victim and pull the cards you’ve pulled. Which left you with a bad poker hand by the way.

—

“I would come by your house if I thought you really wanted to see me but if you dont want to speak I assume you definatly dont want to see me anymore.” – Seriously; what in the fuckity fuck fuckery, were you talking about? I’m not even gone press that issue cause you lost me when I got to that part of the paragraph. At least proof-read shit before you send it to someone who have a 0-tolerance to trying to understand shit like what you just said. I’ll bypass that shit and act like I didn’t see it. But that shit was funny. I almost fell out my chair laughing. That sentence was so run-together I’m surprised my computer let me read it. (You spelled definitely wrong by the way.)

—

You want what to work out? From the previous fucked up sentences it says I broke up with you. So How we gone let anything work out when we aren’t together? WAIT A MIN! When in the hell did I become your girlfriend? Where was I at? We talked about it but not once did you realize if the feeling was mutual or not. I love how you keep hurting yourself. I haven’t seen anything in this message that proved that I’m the one that hurt you.

—

I stepped on you? You’re taller than me, how the fuck I step on you? (Sorry, I had to do it since that whole message you sent me been a joke anyway, mind as well add my own joke in there some where. LMAO!). Not once did I take advantage of your kindness. From my point of view, the only thing I considered kindness in this whole ordeal is only things decent people do. You didn’t do anything special. You’re a decent guy. I’ve met a kind guy, he’s my best friend. Now that’s a kind ass man. He goes out his way and knows me from head to toe and half the time I don’t even know what he’s up to until he hands me a gift or do something spectacular. But YOU?!?! You did normal decencies. That’s it. Don’t give yourself so much credit where it isn’t due. You’ve tried to make me see you as the victim when all I see you as is a person who had his head in the clouds and don’t know have a clue to what half the shit he messaged with me means.

—

So let me be even more of an arrogant bastard and say this… I don’t know you, you don’t know me, I never seen you, you’ve never seen me, you don’t have my number, I don’t have yours (I really don’t), I never talked to you before, you never talked to me, I never messaged you, you never messaged me, I don’t miss you, you don’t miss me. You don’t exist. (See unlike you, I can move on cause I got a grip on reality at a young ass age.) Life has a lot of bullshit in it and people like you don’t how to deal with it. Well I finally don’t have that problem any more. I don’t understand why you even messaged me. You should of just moved on. You do a lot of thinking and assuming so you mind as well think of a way to move the hell on. I don’t even know what I moved on from but I did. I’m boggled that after that message though you added “I miss you.” If I “hurt” you, why would you miss me? You look like a female in abusive relationship but don’t want to leave cause she “loves” him. Yea, same difference.

—

You know, I didn’t have to be so harsh in this message but when you sit and try to be Ms. Cleo and tell ME who I am and what I did then you need to be checked on by that. Normally I would of laughed at this message of yours and deleted it. But sense we shared a few other things besides these messages, I felt it was my duty to finish doing something I never started. As you go through life, you gone remember what I’ve said and gone realize the shit was/is true and next time, you won’t hurt yourself. You will find things about that person that THEY DID that HURT YOU. Not some damn sap story that’s the total damn opposite. Which really is opposite cause I’m not hurt to the least. Well physically I am but emotionally and mentally… I’m not,  my life and the shit I’ve gone through, been through, is going through is forcing me to be the person I am. I don’t need you trying to fix something that’s not even broke. You’re just a person that I shouldn’t of gotten close to. I wish I never met you for the simple fact, I hurt you but I didn’t, you hurt yourself which results in me hurting you. Yea, this message stung and I don’t care. You provoked it, well I just choked it and killed it.

—

Well, now that you got all your questions answered. I shouldn’t see a message from you period. It would be deleted, unread, whatever. It won’t be acknowledged. I’m gone add you to my myspace though, just out of humor. Get your hopes up for a lost cause.

—

I sound like a total ass don’t I? Well don’t read too much into the font. I’m still the same ole me. But then again, I could be an ass and don’t know it. You be the judge.

-Asilee-

—————– Original Message —————–

I dont get you. you say you want someone to love you as much as you give them love I come and give you as much love as a broken heart can but you kept pushing me away. I would want to take out but you wont want to go I try to get you things you want but you say you dont want them. I never took anything from nor really asked for anything. I give give give in relationships I thought you may be different but I guess not. then you lied to me about your which really did not matter to me I love you for you. I didn’t call you for like a week after that to show you I was upset that you went being trust worthy about something I was mad nor did I want to break up with you. you broke up with me you stopped answer my phone calls and everything what am I to do. just be frank with me if you didn’t want to see me anymore all you had to do was pick up the phone and say “This aint gone work out” and I’d have to accept it. but you left me in lembo I would come by your house if I thought you really wanted to see me but if you dont want to speak I assume you definatly dont want to see me anymore. I really wanted this to work I tired of beening stepped on in relationships and you was the first to take advantage of my kindness. message me back so we can talk.
I miss you.

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