The Relationship; The Issues…

Besides their being a fight on the floor my “boyfriend” lives on. Its been fairly quiet. I never had time to myself; it gave me a lot to think about.  Though, with me and this “relationship” I’m in, my heart is telling me to throw in the towel; call it quits. Its no coming to an agreement with someone who has problems. Its not like I don’t know what I like in person, I do and that’s the problem. He does a lot of shit you aren’t supposed to do in a relationship cause he has problems. Well it feels as if I should just be friends with him without benefits cause this is totally getting out of hand. Yea he tries to change but that lasts a week or so. He’s kicking on 30′s door and hopefully down the line, he’ll find someone who wouldn’t mind walking in on him watching someone else on cam or asking for nudes or better yet taking advantage of you by pretending you don’t exist. Then maybe when she get tired she can tell him about himself and then maybe just maybe she’ll get over him saying “I don’t do that”. & still love him anyway.

This relationship is more painful and stressful than its worth. Saying nothing makes me miserable but saying something makes it worse. Well I can’t help if I don’t like confrontations or if being that I don’t like being a burden on someones life cause they’re so used to the same ole daily routine to even notice that there’s someone here who cares about them. What would he need from someone else that I’m not offering or giving? Its a lot of things unanswered cause he isn’t the type to talk to me like a human being. He’s comfortable to talking to everyone else but when it comes to me; its like if its nothing negative he won’t bother fucking with the subject.

I have to get upset or to get tired for him to want to ask me what he’s doing wrong. You know people who even asks that feel that they aren’t doing ANYTHING wrong to begin with. Reason why I don’t even bother half of the time cause it’ll be a lost cause.

Most of the things I explain to him isn’t really worth him going out of his way to him. I can tell by the way he treats me. He really don’t realize that he does the shit that he do. If I’m only here to fill the void then what the hell? I can always vacate the premises and he’ll can never hear or see from me again. Cause that’s what I feel like. Like I’m some toy or computer he messes with when he feels is the right opportunity to do so. Or when there isn’t no messages for him on Myspace, better yet when they’re aren’t much to respond to on CS or if people on his Y! List isn’t available for his bullshit.

He’s a bully too. I’ve never been in a relationship like this, he doesn’t intentionally, physically hurt me but he does it other ways besides disregarding what I say. I feel even typing my thoughts out is a waste of damn time and space for a more intellectual blog.

Okay, okay any human in they right mind know in a relationship its not okay to:

-Flirt/Cake. Some may not see it has being something wrong but when I see the shit? Maybe I’m being too possessive or not enough but he don’t give a fuck. Well eventually I’m NOT gone give a fuck and just leave and not say why.  Or give him a heads up.

-Ask for nudes constantly. Its too many people asking me do I know that he’s still asking for nudes and shit and even got a caught a few times.

-Watch other females on Cam. I walked right in on one of his sessions. Be as it may, it could of been harmless but shit I’m in the next god damned room!

-Have numerous files of nudes/fan signs of himself and other females on a computer that is used by the girlfriend. If you’re going to have them make them disappear, that kind of shit destroys relationships.

-Treating other females better than your own girlfriend. & I’m not talking about the ones he know personally, talking about the ones he mess with that live across the globe.

-Spending more time on the computer than actually trying to make the relationship grow. I mean if he was around mentally more often and actually listened to me I wouldn’t have to pick up a damn game controller or go to a damn computer to keep from getting pissed.

-Inconsiderate of ones  feelings. He does it so much and he sometimes don’t care. Like the other day when he came back from some where this nigga KEPT calling me “doggy”.  What in the hell? I told him to quit but he didn’t. I’ve gone through enough verbal abuse for a lifetime and I’m not gone take that shit from him. I’ll kill him first and that’s on everything I love. I mean that’s from the bottom of my heart. I would go to jail over some small shit like name calling. I should only have to ask him once. I had to use profane language for him to realize I was fucking serious. He got one more time and I won’t resist. It WILL and that’s a promise be more than just a finger broken.

Anyway, he needs some growing up to do. A LOT of growing up to do not just SOME. Its getting really annoying typing this shit out and not telling him. What would be the point? I’m trying my damnedest for this to work and he not trying to make it work. I hope if this don’t work that he be alone for the rest of his fucking life with just his computer, some K.Y. Jelly, web cam and his video game controller.